s.h.e :)

Sunday, January 9

i cant slp.. jus woke up n felt lk blogging.. we've broke up..

Before
i gave him a week to tink if sld break up anot.. *recall* cos of he feeling numb n tired to b in a relatonship. suppose to mit on fri to tok abt it. but he was working till late at nite. n next dae, which is ytd. got test. wad do u tink? do i still haf a choice? i din mit him. was beri angry. cos i was owaez the last to noe his everyting. n tat he knowing he got so much tings to do, wanted to mit mi again. i was holding on the high expectations to mit him. so he said he wanna mit the next dae.. after softball.. again, last min he said he was sick.. i noe im being unreasonable. i said,"oki.. thanks.. i've been waiting for it. u've been rejecting almost all the mit ups! to the extent, tat i tink it's an excuse. let's break up!" he din reply. i tot silence means consent. he den text in msn. he doubt if i'm serious abt the break up tis time. of cos im not. but i said yes! i care abt him. i care abt our relationship. i care.. n yet again n again he's been rejecting mi.. i realli dunno if i sld believe his reasons, for not meeting mi.. or mebbe its jus excuse to avoid our prob! realli dunno. i haf no faith. in him as well as in mi.. he gave in. n we'll b meeting again.

What happened last nite
*listening to xin yu xin yuan* i tink tis song realli tells how im feeling.
he was smoking. i din sae a word when we met. i jus passed him tat letter i wrote. he read.. n we went sumwhere to tok. i was feeling tensed. i dunno how to start. n he dunno wad to sae. he told mi how he felt for the whole of last week. he said mebbe he was influenced by ping yan.. abt the breaking up. n mi feeling uphappy if he cant change.. but he afraid he mite regret 1 dae. n tat 1 dae when he wants mi back, it'll b too late.. he asked mi wad do i tink.. actualli i haf an answer.. but i jus wanna hear his own voice. i noe if i decide, he'll jus go wif mi.. my answer was to continue.. i wanna share the difficulties he's going thru.. n we go thru together. lk wad li en had said.. after an hr.. dere's still no answer.. i said i wan an answer by tonite or else, im not going home. he took another cigarette.. i tink im stressing him.. argh! stoopid von! asked him if he still luvs mi.. he said,"not sae dun luv.. but.. my heart is numb. no more feelings to anibody elses.." he feels tat he dun luv mi enuf.. he felt unfair to mi.. he asked mi the same question.. he was lying down.. as i was saying.. saw his tears.. i dunno if it's tears of touched or cos he's just tired.. i asked for an answer again.. he said he sld break up.. i wasn't realli hurt. mebbe cos im feeling numb too? or m i expecting tat answer? or i jus dun wanna show it out? or i've cried enuf.. all my tears dried up.. i dunno.. while in the lift, i den felt sumting.. but it din realli affect mi.. lk breakup wif ben..

Aftermath
i logged on to msn. wanted to tok to sumbody.. somebody which is keith.. but he's not dere.. called his hse.. but he wasnt at home.. called his mobile.. he's at work.. so i waited for his call return.. he called back. once he ended work.. told him abt it.. he concluded:

liang has no sense of urgency
he was wishy washy abt the prob. tink the prob is not important. im not in his priority.
liang is irrespponsible
the prob is affecting mi. he can still drag for so long.. without caring im not feeling good.
liang is not worth to be luv by mi
if he truly luvs mi, the prob wld affect him. n he wun haf mood to studie
for a normal person, he will try solve the prob 1st den studie

i dunno.. i tink i'll wait for him.. sorry keith.. not to worrie.. i'll b fine. hey~ u said u wanna celebrate my bdae wif mi! dun 4get ar! n dun ps mi oso.. its my bdae.. kkz.. n oso valentines! hahaz..

-von luvs liang-

s.h.e girls
;7:20 AM