s.h.e :)

Friday, October 22

Im at the chalet now! Had the urge to blog till this extent. lol.. well, actually there's 2 PC here that allow ppl to use e Internet, good huh? so... I guess yst nite, we were just checking out the blog, and I saw the comment by dz left specially for me. den... *ah-bish-shee GOAL!!!* e tears joined e swimming water chlorine.

I din know.. wad to say. Perhaps we aint really meant to be. So many umpteen times of trying being together, I really tot this time we can make it. We could! well.. I knew it that, once u commit a mistake, people are not going to forgive u so readily. I was so taken aback at that time when he wans to forgive me, and that made me so touched. I was really read to give up.. but he said he'll be the idiot. He said he will!!!!

But after that arguement.. it just ended up 2 b... all along, he cant forgive me for wad I had done. I couldnt say anything to him calling me a flirt and a ... wadever. But that really hurts. Why does he always have to exert poison in his words when we parted? It hurts so much.. it's always miscommunication through n through. but I still insist that tis time, it's not my fault! =( cuz... groans. i guess it's no use talking abt it now? I felt so empty without him. But I know I will go through this. Cuz Im a bitchy 2timer b4, and no matter how hard I try to change.. it's the same. I will just have to accept this fact.

when dz called me.. we were at e beach. i was feeling so sour when we went.. e screamin towards each other. den e msg came.. sigh. I was really lucky, I was offered hugs by shevon n angel. they told me 2 forget, not to think so much,and enjoy myself since Im at the chalet. I try, I did. But I couldnt deny the emptiness. hurt. pain. anger.

mar msg me at nite, to scold me. I felt lk there's a knife straight thru my heart. I know dz is his brother, but wtf, I am his friend for sooo long lors! of cuz wad ...... he said abt me is right, disappointed in me and everything. But.. I commited e wrong le. cant ppl forgive me!?!? and my great friend somemore.. ouch! he compared e time abt hao and ying. sigh.. indeed, hao & I r alike till this extent. lol not funny.

feelin really down. hadnt got much sleep, den juz nw go play pool. I sucks at it. I sucks at everything, Im just a loser.

Hey ahqi, u cant do this to urself!

I really tot I can spend the 3rd year of his bday with him. I planned wad 2 buy already! just so much thoughts - and even the matching keychain I bought for him. he may break e arcylic piece to bits after this. sigh. I cant keep this stoned and quiet face.. it will affect ppl's mood. and.. I din wanna dampen everyone's spirit. I need to cheer up, I really need to.

but mebbe... I did keep the fact in mind. Yes, this time ard dezheng dumped me. He got e right to, since I two-timed him b4. as for y he forgives me initally den say byebye and proclaim my bitchiness to everyone - I got no idea why and I guess I shd not try to think so much anymore.

I am full of craps. -shakes head- jia you, ahqi. now... smile & go back to e chalet.

s.h.e girls
;2:47 PM